The idea that there are five distinct “love languages” was a concept that was introduced in a 1992 book by a Southern Baptist pastor that was aimed mostly at married Christian couples. The author, Gary Chapman, based his theory that everyone has a primary love language (that is, a category of behaviors that they most immediately associate with affection) on his own observations as a counselor. Enumerated in the book and now well known to millions, the five love languages are Quality Time, Physical Touch, Acts of Service, Giving and Receiving Gifts, and Words of Affirmation. Each love language exists on a spectrum, and it is possible to learn to “speak” all five love languages. It is likely that your primary love language will be connected to how love was expressed in your family of origin. Being able to express to your partner how you prefer to be shown love can increase your ability to feel loved and appreciated in your relationship. Also, knowing more about the five love languages can help you to notice the ways that your partner is showing their love for you, even if they are not speaking your primary love language.
If you aren't sure what your primary love language is, Dr. Chapman has developed a quiz.
As defined by Dr. Gary Chapman- The 5 Love Languages are:
l. Words of affirmation – using words to build up the other person. “Thanks for taking out the garbage.” Not – “It’s about time you took the garbage out. The flies were going to carry it out for you.”
2. Gifts – a gift says, “She was thinking about me. Look what she gave me.”
3. Acts of Service – Doing something for your spouse(girlfriend/boyfriend), that you know they would like. Cooking a meal, washing dishes, vacuuming floors, are all acts of service.
4. Quality time – by which I mean, giving your spouse(girlfriend/boyfriend) your undivided attention. Taking a walk together or sitting on the couch with the TV off – talking and listening.
5. Physical touch – holding hands, hugging, kissing, intimacy, are all expressions of love.
I firmly believe that everyone processes each of the love languages, but your primary language (yes, you can have more than one primary) speaks a little louder than the others. During this series, "Let's Talk About Love", we have focused on God's love, but today I felt led to talk about physical love. Love towards your girlfriend/boyfriend or spouse. Don't wait till tomorrow, but show them your love language today. In his book, Chapman states, “We each come to [relationships] with a different personality and history. We bring emotional baggage into our [intimate] relationship. We come with different expectations, different ways of approaching things, and different opinions about what matters in life. In a healthy [relationship], that variety of perspectives must be processed. We need not agree on everything, but we must find a way to handle our differences so that they do not become divisive.” Remember, all aspects of love begin with the love that Jesus has for us.
God Is Love
"My beloved friends, let us continue to love each other since love comes from God. Everyone who loves is born of God and experiences a relationship with God. The person who refuses to love doesn’t know the first thing about God, because God is love—so you can’t know him if you don’t love. This is how God showed his love for us: God sent his only Son into the world so we might live through him. This is the kind of love we are talking about—not that we once upon a time loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to clear away our sins and the damage they’ve done to our relationship with God." 1 John 4:7-10 The Message (MSG)
What's Your Love Language? Today, let love prevail.
Excerpts taken from "The Five Love Languages" Website
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